FOUR Years {Noah Joel Hoyt}

I've been anticipating today with many mixed emotions. I can't even articulate most of them and was even wondering if I had it in me to write a blog post this year...but I have to. He is worth at least that much...all I can ever give him is to keep his memory alive and show my love for him in whatever way I know how. If that even makes sense to some that are reading this. If you have not lost a child you might not get it but I hope that by writing about loss and miscarriage on my blog, that it will help someone either going through it or help those who would like to understand what their friends or family who has lost is going through.

Four years have passed...what does that mean? Well, it means that for the past four years, I have thought of Noah at least one time (usually more) per day. I have wondered what he would be like as a younger brother and even an older brother. I imagine that if he would have been born, we would still have Madison...she was born 18 months after losing Noah...It would be possible :)
I've wondered what he would look like. I've wondered many things but most of all, I've also wondered why. I try not to question this often, but when your thoughts wander anything can happen, right??! Unfortunately the reason for our loss is unknown. No tests were run because I didn't ask...how was I supposed to know?! I'd never been through a loss much less known someone who had. I now blame myself for not "knowing" to ask for tests to be run. To see why his heart stopped beating in my womb at 9.5 weeks. Many people suggest that when babies are miscarried, either something was wrong with them and they'd be better off in heaven or that God needed another angel. I totally would like to accept these trains of thought but I just can't. I do believe that God had a plan in taking Noah early. I do believe that it was not me or my behavior that caused him to die. But, at the end of the day, I wonder why just.because and not accepting any real reason. I'm human, you know? Until I ask God in heaven "why" I will never feel completely at peace.

Some other thoughts rear their ugly heads sometimes. Guilt. What an awful word. Did I eat or drink something wrong to cause Noah's passing? Should I have not flown in an airplane the week before I lost him? Should I have been on bedrest to protect my unborn baby from what could befall him if the same thing that happened with Caitlin's pregnancy happened again? Should I have not picked up my 3.5 year old while newly pregnant with him? So many questions...and in my head I know that I couldn't have been the reason he's not here. But in my heart, I am not so sure. I probably should have done something different, but I didn't know...

I feel like I'm rambling but I have to get this out.

Losing Noah has brought about HUGE changes in my life.

I am thankful for the friends the Lord has brought into my life since losing Noah on March 26, 2008. It is bittersweet to make friends with other Baby Loss Moms. We are saddened that yet another baby (or babies) has been lost too soon. But we are blessed to be surrounded by those that truly understand our thoughts and feelings.

I am thankful that prayer has been a source of joy over the past four years. Praying for others has taught me that (the Lord) prayer changes things. I was able to begin a prayer chain on my blog in 2008 that then morphed into it's own blog that then morphed into a FaceBook page. Spreading the word to others to pray for those in need is so important to me. Afterall, the Bible says, "For where two or three gather in my name, there am I with them." {Matthew 18:20}.

Learning about other's struggles and their outcomes does not burden me. Getting to know those who are struggling and becoming emotionally involved with them and their families does not burden me. Knowing what to and how to pray for them does burden my heart though. It burdens my heart to pray harder. To trust the Lord more. To spread the word that the Lord is close to the brokenhearted and to remind those who are in the depths of dispair that He loves them. People often ask how I can hear, day in and day out, about people and their "depressing" stories. I don't see it that way...they are not "depressing" stories. These are real people, experiencing real trials, who need to be loved on, prayed for (or with) and to hear the Good News in one way or another. Some see me as one of those "you just want to save the world" people. Well, if that's how you want to see me...go for it. But in my book, helping even one person in this world - whether it be through words, actions, in real life or over the internet, it can happen. The Lord uses me - after losing my precious second child - to let others know about His Love. And to me, that is joy.

Realizing how important it is to have a real relationship with God has also been huge to me. How do people lose loved ones and/or receive a life altering health diagnosis without God?? I don't know how people even "do life" everyday without God. It's mind boggling really. I am able to cry out to Him. I am able to talk to Him whenever I want. I am able to truly believe that He is coming one day to take me to my true Home. Being able to tell my God that I am saddened by the loss of my baby, am questioing the loss of my baby and am angry about the loss of my baby is big. I know that He will love me no matter how I feel about this life after loss. There is no shame or guilt or fear in God. I feel safe. I know Noah is up there waiting for me.
Anyway, I wanted to get those thoughts off my chest. I hope that someone can make sense of this post and is blessed by it.

Big day today. Remembering my little one four years later.

Love,
A

P.S. Thank you to all of you who have loved and supported me over the past four years. It means the world to me that you remember my Noah Joel.

Remembering
One Year
Two Years
Three Years

4 Years {Nehemiah Rodriguez}

Could it really be FOUR years?!?! Where does the time go??
Four years since my sweet, encouraging, loving, sensitive, strong and precious Baby Loss Mama bestie, Melanie, went through the agonizing loss of her first baby, Nehemiah.

On March 22, 2008, Melanie & Ralph endured one of the hardest things they will ever have to go through. The loss of their unborn baby.

Time may have passed but Melanie and those who have been touched by the short life of Nehemiah, have not forgotten. The pain of losing a baby is excruciating and although time goes on and life goes on and we add more children and busyness to our families, there will always be a part of our hearts missing.

Thank you, Lord, for bringing Melanie into my life. Although we met just 3 short months after both of our losses, I feel that I've known her my whole life. She and I are so much alike it's scary. Thank you for giving Melanie as a friend to me so that we both don't feel such alone in all this. We talk about you and how you've changed our lives through our babies who are now in Heaven with you. Oh Lord we CANNOT wait until that glorious day when we are all reunited. Thank you for your love and the peace that passes all understanding that only You give to us each day. We trust that you will continue to walk along side us on this journey we call life after losing our babies the week of Easter 2008. We know that you are carrying us through until we meet again.

Melanie, I love you. Wish I could hug your neck today but...you'll have to take a virtual one instead.

Hope you feel that peace today.
Amanda

~In loving memory of Nehemiah Rodriguez~

She's TWO! {Lillian Rachelle}

Happy SECOND Birthday, Lillian!

You and your mommy have come so far in the past 2 years and you've proven to be that miracle we all knew you were when you were born, against all odds, on March 22, 2010!

Hope you have a wonderful day!

Love,
The Hoyt Family

To read Lillian's and her mommy, Lauren's, story, click here.

MckMama and true Faith

In case you don't follow me on FaceBook or missed this post, I wanted to go ahead and re-post it.

I don't know if you do follow Jennifer McKinney (aka MckMama), but over the years she has been a blessing in my life with her honest posts about marriage, love, parenting, trials, faith and just life. She and her husband and kids have faced many trials (including financial, health and marital) but the most recent trial has stunned the blogger community. She and her husband have separated. They have five children who are now suffering the consequences of a broken home. One recent post from Jennifer really impacted me and I wanted to share it.

This post, more than the rest Jennifer writes, brought true tears and aching to my heart. For her and her children, of course, but also for those who do not know Jesus as their personal Savior.

Her encouragement through His Word shines like no other. She is NOT walking alone in this HUGE trial of her life, but God is walking hand in hand with her. As a baby lost mama, I know all too well this feeling of helplessness in the wake of sadness, loss and heartache.

BUT I am blessed to know the Lord because he puts salve on my wounds daily and reminds me of His True & Perfect love at my darkest hours. I don't know how people "do life" without God. It is a true mystery to me.

Hopefully this post touches you as it did me ♥

Read MckMama's blog post here.

Love ya'll,
Amanda

Two "Sparky" Years in Heaven {Layla Grace Marsh}

Today marks two years...two years since heaven gained a "sparky" angel from Cypress, Texas. My heart hurts for the Marsh family today (and always) as they grieve the loss of their precious Layla Grace today ♥

*Layla LOVED anything purple & sparkley*

Prayers Needed

Please be in prayer for my 31 year old cousin, Allison, and her family.
She's been suffering with rheumatoid arthritis for the past 5+ years. She is having a full hysterectomy tomorrow. She has severe endometriosis which made it impossible to get pregnant on her own (Bryan & Allison underwent 2 failed IUIs and 1 successful IVF to have sweet twins Matthew and Caroline 1.5 years ago). The pain has gotten so bad that she needs the surgery so that she can manage her everyday pain better. I don't know all the details but do know that she's in constant pain, can't keep weight on and has a hard time keeping up with her toddlers. I can't imagine. Thanks for your prayers.

January 14 (Tripp), January 24 (Teresa) and January 27 (Carter)

These three dates hold significant meaning for me and people I love.
All three dates can be considered "bittersweet" if you will; but all three dates break my heart.

January 14, 2012
The "Little Drummer Boy", Tripp Roth, passed from his mother's arms to his Heavenly Father's arms after a two year and eight month battle with EB. Tripp's mommy, Courtney, is now left to figure out life without her baby, whom she dedicated every minute of every day of Tripp's life to making him feel comfortable when "comfort" really only meant, listening to Elmo, dancing, playing the drums, kissing and smiling with his momma and grandma. Never once did Tripp NOT have pain. Never once did Tripp utter a word. Never once did Tripp run up and hug his mom. Never once did Tripp go to play at the park. Never once did Tripp get to eat pizza or candy. I could go on and on, but I really want to try to remember the "sweet" part of Tripp's passing. He is now with Jesus. With NO pain. Able to run. Able to yell. Able to be without bandages. Able to be healthy with no infections. The Lord has rescued sweet Tripp from a life of misery.

January 24, 2012
As I pondered the year between January 24, 2011 and January 24, 2012, my heart spilled this out on FaceBook:
"One year ago, on the morning of January 24, 2011, I had no idea what the day held. I had no idea that my BFF, “Sweet T,” would hear the worst news of her life…that she had Stage I Infiltrating Ductal Carcinoma in her left breast. As I sat in the office with her at work after she’d been “diagnosed” over the phone by the Breast Center she’d had the biopsy, all I could do was rub her back, squeeze her hand and repeat over and over again, “It’s gonna be okay.” I really am not sure I believed what I was saying but I had to. I had to have faith that it didn’t mean a death sentence for my dear friend. At one point, I prayed out to God, “Lord, please protect her.” I had no idea what I was saying much less why I decided to pray that specific prayer, but days, weeks, months later, I pondered the prayer and what it meant. Not only was the short prayer said because I felt speechless and shocked, but I think the Lord laid that specific request on my heart, in that moment…that 1) I wanted Teresa’s heart to be protected from falling away from God during this most difficult fight of her life and 2) that I wanted her body to be protected from any future diagnosis or spreading.
In the year that followed, Teresa has been through (so far) 52 weeks of chemo (some with 8 bags and some with 2 bags of cancer killing drugs), extreme exhaustion, extreme pain, sickness which included every “side effect” the chemo doctor said it could have, one surgery to remove both breasts (AND ALL THE CANCER!) as well as some reconstruction and visits to process blood work and scans to confirm that the surgery got it “all”. She still has another 2 months of chemo but I am sure that Teresa is the strongest woman I know. She has kept a positive attitude all the way through, has had faith that she would be healed and has the best support system that has lifted her up these past 52 weeks.
On this day one year ago, I was afraid of what could come. I was afraid my friend, coworker, carpooler and confidant would not return to work. Now she works one day a week on her “good day” to try to keep her spirits up and to get back in the swing of things that she can return to work full time very soon.
Thank you to all who have prayed for my friend and her family. The Dornak, Messina, Gates, Kite & Muse families have coveted your prayers and words of encouragement during this past year. They continue to need them as the chemo ends in March and the fear sets in that the “safety net” of weekly chemo is removed.
I still have faith that she will be “protected” and am thankful that the Lord has used her diagnosis to bring others to Him.
~I love you, Sweet T. Your determination is nothing short of amazing. May you have a day of peace and quiet so that you can rest in Him~

Having my friend Teresa here safe and sound on this earth is so sweet. Remembering the past year and how much it has changed her and her families' lives, is bitter, but KNOWING that God used this illness to bring Glory to His name...priceless :)

In case you were not able to follow Teresa's story during the last year, feel free to hop over to her CaringBridge site to check on her now.

Also, here are the blogs I posted in 2011 about Teresa and her journey:

"Sweet T"
"Teresa's Scan Results - Great News"
"Caringbridge Site for Teresa"
"Updates on Teresa"
"Please pray for Teresa - her 15 hour surgery is today"
"Teresa's surgery is over and there is WONDERFUL news"
"Miracles & Happiness"

January 27, 2012
Ya'll already know how tender my heart has become since my loss in 2008, so when I find out about other babies who are in trouble, I melt into a pool of prayer. A family who is suffering today, The Bickford's (Craig & Angie), whom I have only "met" on FaceBook, have become dear friends to me already. We will meet in real life on Friday, but not the way I'd ever imagined...we will meet at their first born son's celebration of life after he passed from here to Heaven on 1/27/12: forty nine days after his birth at only 28 weeks. Sweet Carter Bickford is sitting on Jesus' lap and watching his mom, dad, baby brother Braden and little sister Tenley, as they mourn his death and try to push forward so that his triplet siblings can go home safe with his parents.

The Bickford's lost 2 previous babies to miscarriage before getting pregnant with the triplets. The Bickford's live right down the road from us and we've never met before.

The Bickford's have not only been touched by miscarraige, multiples prematurity, and infant loss, but also a long stay in the NICU with Tenley & Braden as they fight their preemie battles.

Please keep this family in your prayers as they cope with their losses and praise the Lord for his mercies and miracles.

If you'd like to keep up with the Bickford's on FaceBook, ask to become a member of this group:

Prayers for Carter, Tenley & Braden

Tenley on January 19, 2012

Braden on January 22, 2012

Thanks for listening,
Love ya'll

TRYING to understand why bad things happen to good people...

With all the storms raging around us right now, my heart felt led to share these verses with you.

As we all question why bad things are happening to good people, we need to try to remember that He wants all things "bad" to be used to bring Glory to His name...for more to turn to Him when we want to run away, because He, ultimately will be the one and only who can comfort us in our greatest and darkest hour.

Seriously, it sounds like an oxymoron to believe this, but those who are truly faithful and trust that He knows best will be able to understand and cling to His promises.

I still struggle with this.

""He said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." "Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.”
~2 Corinthians 12:7-10~

For an awesome post about this subject, check out Brooke McGlothlin's blog.

Love ya'll

Another powerful quote...

"There is a sacredness in tears.

They are not the mark of weakness, but of power.

They speak more eloquently than ten thousand tongues.

They are the messengers of overwhelming grief, of deep contrition, and of unspeakable love."

~Washington Irving


I made these graphics for you. Please take and share :)

{image from google}

Hope is grief's best music. ~Author Unknown

Today, when I came across this quote, I was reminded of my favorite song by Natalie Grant called "Held" and what the song has come to mean to me after losing my baby in 2008. I wrote about the most poignant part of the song here; how it says, "If hope is born of suffering..."
In my heart's language, I have been able to heal with music. Music like this song and others sung by other Christian as well as secular artists. The music has gotten me through some very dark times. Music especially got me through the 39 week waiting game of making sure my rainbow baby, Madison Grace, made it safely to our arms in September 2009. Music has allowed me somewhere safe to cry when I need to. Music is...well...grief's hope.

My heart is always thinking of and praying for others who have loved and lost children, so this quote and graphic I made are for you. Those who have had a piece of your heart ripped out that has floated up to heaven. Those of you who are surviving and just waiting for that glorious day when we can be reunited with our angels.

Love, hugs and prayers,
Amanda

{Self} Reminder

"For God so loved the world that He gave His one and only Son, that whoever believes in Him shall not perish but have eternal life."
~John 3:16, NIV~

Make a video - it's fun, easy and free!
www.onetruemedia.com
">

Wordless Wednesday - Happy

Panic & Loss

Today I was struck with panic as I looked down and my necklace, that I’ve worn everyday since October 11, 2010, to honor all three of my children, was hanging down my shirt (the clasp had broken) and unbeknownst to me, was dangling there. At first I didn’t even reach for it. My first instinct was panic – that I’d lost the charm that I worked hard to buy so that I could wear a piece of jewelry daily to remind me that I have three children…not just two. After that initial shock, I reached down to find that the necklace itself had broken but the charm was still there. ~Relief~ But my heart was still racing. No one should get that worked up over a necklace that cost only $75! But I did. Not because I couldn’t afford to buy another, but because I’d bought that particular necklace for a purpose. A purpose that is important to me and only me. The thing about losing a child is that the painful heart wrenching realization that your child is no longer here with you on this earth, comes at random unsuspecting times. It can hit you like a ton of bricks. I am always in the thought that Noah is waiting up there in Heaven for us, but it’s hard to, on a daily basis, think about the fact that he is gone…not in our earthly family…not here to enjoy our new home, Daddy, Caitlin, Madison, Joy, Angel Cake, Thanksgiving, Christmas and birthdays. As a baby loss survivor and someone who has become close with other baby loss survivors, we all know that thinking that the baby is not here daily is not healthy. We try to push that out of our minds as much as possible or we’d be in a deep dark hole of despair all the time. When I thought I’d lost my necklace today, I thought I’d lost a piece of my memory of my, albeit short, pregnancy with my second child. I know that the necklace doesn’t really mean that, but my baby loss mind thought that immediately. Unless you’ve been there, this post won’t really make sense…will probably just sound like rambling…but I wanted to get it out there…wanted others to know that even these little reminders we hold on to can be important…important in the grand scheme of things? Not so much. But important so that we, as mothers, can feel some sort of relief as we walk this journey.

"EB"ing a Mommy: A LOT of catching up to do...

Please continue to pray for Tripp...

"EB"ing a Mommy: A LOT of catching up to do...: SO... I really don't even know where to begin or where I really "left off." But I'll start off by being honest and saying that I've been a...

I have something I want to share with YOU

This is an UPDATED Post from Friday...in case you subscribe by email, RSS feed or Bloglovin', not all of my post showed up due to the colors I chose LOL (oops!) :)

I didn't want to miss sharing this one :)

Hey!
Hope ya'll are having a good day.
I felt I needed to share this today...


I came across the quote below, yesterday morning and felt like I was writing it. This is exactly how I feel. I've tried to say this here, on my blog several times (in my own way), but I feel it's never come across right. If you are searching...He is here for you.


"If you haven't already gathered, or happen to be reading this blog for the first time in your life, I am a melancholy girl through and through. I find beauty in not only the beautiful things in life, but the bittersweet and sad as well. To me, there is something poignantly lovely about the human experience from its splendor to its grief. God created all our emotions, not just the happy ones, and for His good purposes. That's why a good cry can feel so good. And hitting our limits forces us to look outside ourselves for a Savior. It is in the plea, when we're at our end, that we can find that which is truly life-giving. Personally, my moments of deepest grief, deepest pain, have resulted in the most beautiful seasons in my heart. I've met God more intimately in those moments than in all the other pleasant ones combined. What isn't completely lovely about that?"

(Taken from Leslie @ http://topofthepagewithleslie.blogspot.com/)


Going through hard times as well as recognizing that I have been blessed throughout my life, has made me who I am today. Since I lost Noah in 2008, my heart has been convicted to help others, pray harder and hug the necks of those who are in need of comfort and friendship. The journey that I am traveling after going through such a loss has opened my eyes to how vulnerable we all are and how much each one of us needs to accept the true Love that Our Father wants to give us. I really don't know how people go through tragedy without clinging to the One who Saves (much less everyday life's struggles). So, as Romans 10:11 says, "Whosoever believeth on Him shall not be ashamed."

Today I will not be ashamed...

I hope that if you are reading this today, that you really know the Lord Jesus Christ as your loving Savior. If you don't, please accept Him today as your Father. He loves you more than you will ever know. He is always here guiding, accepting and cherishing you. When you are happy He is here. When you are sad, scared, feeling alone, depressed, angry, bored or hurt, He is here. You can call out His name when you want to praise Him or just to plead for His help in your daily life. Your sins have already been forgiven. On the day He died on that cross, He bore the pain and punishment we all deserve. He will never leave you or forsake you. All you have to do is believe. Believe that He is the Son of God, giver of perfect Mercy, and Grace. Believe and thou shalt be saved.


Important Reminders of His Love For us:
Romans 6:23
For the wages of sin is death, but the gift of God is eternal life through Jesus Christ our Lord.

John 3:16-18
For God so loved the world, that He gave His only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in Him should not perish, but have everlasting life.
For God sent not his Son into the world to condemn the world; but that the world through Him might be saved.
He that believeth on Him is not condemned: but he that believeth not is condemned already, because he hath not believed in the name of the only begotten Son of God.

I Corinthians 15:3-4
Christ died for our sins according to the Scriptures;
And that He was buried, and that He rose again, the third day according to the Scriptures.

John 14:6
Jesus said unto him, "I am the way, the truth, and the life: no man cometh unto the Father, but by me."

Romans 10:11, 13
For the scripture saith, Whosoever believeth on Him shall not be ashamed.
For whosoever shall call upon the name of the Lord shall be saved.


I love you all...and want to see you ALL in Heaven someday.
~Amanda

Pin

Pin

Pin

He would have been 3 today…

I was sure by now
God you would have reached down
And wiped our tears away
Stepped in and saved the day
But once again, I say “Amen”, and it’s still raining
As the thunder rolls
I barely hear You whisper through the rain
“I’m with you”
And as Your mercy falls
I raise my hands and praise the God who gives
And takes away
I’ll praise You in this storm
And I will lift my hands
For You are who You are
No matter where I am
Every tear I’ve cried
You hold in Your hand
You never left my side
And though my heart is torn
I will praise You in this storm
~Casting Crowns~

Pretty much every baby lost mama that I’ve met since 2008, if not all, truly feel the weight of the song I quoted above. We will never truly heal or stop hurting from our loss. We have to praise OUR LORD for what he HAS given us in our lives and because our babies were ours for even a fleeting moment, they are now His again. For that we have to be thankful. Our babies are in a better place with him BUT our hearts are no less torn. As the song mentions, we will never cry a tear He doesn’t see or keep. We will never be expected to completely move on by Him. And he will never leave us.

Some people think a “storm” is a one time event. I’ve heard people say, “pray for me as I am in this storm.” I truly believe that we, as Christians while live on this earth, are in a constant storm. The storm of this earthly life. The life that will ultimately lead us to His throne. Even in our sorrow and trek to make it back Home, He loves us and provides shelter, blessings and peace, even in the midst of it all.

I’m not really sure how we made it to year 3. Noah would have been a full year older than Madison and I know that they would have been best friends with a big sister who would have loved them as big as the sky. I wish our lives had been different but I have to Praise Him…Praise Him for blessing us with 9 ½ beautiful weeks with our boy.

Love you, Noah Joel. The storm of YOU never leaves my thoughts.

Yesterday, I was given a blessing {Part 1}…

Background:
About a month ago, I “met” a sweet gal named Michelle. I connected with Michelle through a local organization called M.E.N.D. which stands for “mommies enduring neonatal death”. The group provides support to families who have lost babies through miscarriage, stillbirth and/or infant loss, of which, are staggering in numbers. Upon reading Michelle’s story on the M.E.N.D. facebook group page that she posted, and knowing that she lost a baby very early on in her pregnancy after battles with infertility, I knew we had a connection. The funny thing is, is that Michelle lives about 841 miles away and was directed to M.E.N.D. by a friend. Our paths have crossed and now we are friends for life :)

Soon after “meeting,” Michelle, she asked if I’d guest post on her blog. Oh my! Someone was asking ME to post on THEIR blog?!?!? I’ve never had the honor and this excited me. I’ve been blogging since mid 2005. This is big! I knew what I wanted the post to be about but I was overwhelmed at the time, preparing for our move and had to put off the post. Yesterday, after Michelle checking back with me several times to see if I was still interested, I finally was able to come up with the post that I’d been thinking about for a month.

Yesterday:
I believe that writing a guest post for others to read who are not associated with me or my blog directly was a blessing. I have felt, for three years since my loss in 2008, that maybe losing my precious second child was a way for me to not only draw closer to the Lord, but also to be there for others in need after their loss(es). I have been blessed so much by the friends I’ve made who are all BLMs (baby lost mammas) and their stories always touch me to the core. I feel the need to fall to my knees in prayer for them and their families. This guest post might actually be used for good – that others might draw closer to Him and feel not so alone – and maybe, just maybe – might continue to have hope again after their tragedy.

Thank you, Michelle. For asking me to post. Again, it is an honor and a blessing. Our connection is one that no one can deny. Early loss is nothing short of devastating. Our dreams have been taken away, but as you and I both know, if we trust in the Lord and follow His ways, he will give us what our hearts desire. {Psalm 37:4}

You can see my post(s) [she broke it into two because it was so long, and if you know me, that’s how I roll LOL] here:

Part 1: http://myowngrocerygame.blogspot.com/2011/10/guest-post-from-hoyt-family-part-1-mend.html

Part 2: http://myowngrocerygame.blogspot.com/2011/10/guest-post-from-hoyt-family-part-1-mend.html

Thank you all for loving me.
xoxo

The BIG Day is coming!

Well ya'll, tomorrow at this time we will be at the title company signing our lives away purchasing our new home.

To know that when we started this process in February of this year (fixing up the house, putting it on the market, selling it in 15 days, moving to an apartment and watching as our house was built the last 89 days); the last 8 months have been a blur. A good blur.

The feelings swirling around inside of me are nervous, excited, anxious, blessed, overwhelmed and tearful.

I am (for obvious reasons) excited and feel blessed – regarding the actual house. We were able to pick what we wanted (within reason of course :)) and have watched them build from the ground up; visiting twice a week and keeping in close contact with our builder and sales rep. We feel like we KNOW the house. It is where our kids will grow up and find lifelong friends. The community is very family oriented and we KNOW that it will bless us with activities created to bring together families and friends.

I am (for obvious reasons) anxious and overwhelmed – regarding the move. We have not had motivation (although we should!) to pack up the apartment. We just did this in May!?!? Why are we doing it again?!?! Luckily we don’t have to pack up much – just what’s in the apartment. All of our other things are still packed up and in our storage unitS. We still have our boxes from when we moved into the apartment and the apartment was smaller than our previous house, but still…no motivation LOL We will have to finish packing by 9 am on Friday morning when the movers arrive. We have two trucks and 4 men coming. Two men and one truck at the storage and two men and one truck at the apartment. Chris is meeting them at the storage and I will meet them at the apartment. From there both crews will head to OUR house! Should be one crazy fun day!

I am tearful because we have always wanted this. This is our dream come true. We talked about a house like this when we were dating. Yes, it’s everyone’s “dream” but with all we’ve been thru the past 14 years together, it is finally happening. The tears are happy tears :)

Thank you to our family & friends who have stood by us and helped us and cheered us on and encouraged us as we have traveled this journey to become one in a new home.

Thank you especially to my mom & Ron for always being willing to babysit while we are busy with packing, moving, sales meetings, builder meetings and the like.

I hope that all the (fourteen hundred) pics I took didn’t annoy all of you too much LOL We are just happy and proud of what we have accomplished to get where we are today :)

Thanks again for all the support!
Love you all

P.S. You know I will let you know how the move goes and have (more) pics to share. xoxo

Day 1 (June 23) compared to Day 89 (September 21)

FaceBook albums of construction progress:

Album #1:

http://on.fb.me/nDslXV

Album #2:

http://on.fb.me/o5CzxQ

Album #3:

http://on.fb.me/p4BfRl

Album #4:

http://on.fb.me/p7RWbn

Album #5:

http://on.fb.me/q1x0un

Album #6:

http://on.fb.me/mV0YOA

Album #7:

http://on.fb.me/pgnteN

Madison is TWO years old!?!?

Today at 12:09 pm, my God given Madison Grace, will officially become a toddler?!?!?


I remember the day she was born like it was yesterday. As her sister's had been, her delivery was smooth and QUICK - 3 hours in labor and 15 minutes of pushing. Lots of tears from me - not really believing that I was about to hold a LIVING and healthy baby for the 2nd time after a painful loss just 17 months prior.


How she could go from a 7 lb 13 oz. baby to a two year old in what seems like a blink of an eye, amazes me. She's our shy yet talkative, strong (physically and willful), observant, smart, beautiful mommy's girl. She never ceases to stop traffic with her smile. We are so proud to be a rainbow baby's parents. She has brought neverending joy back to our family after losing her big brother. We laugh every time she tries to do what big sister does and tries to get what big sister has. She looks like a mini Chris but clings to me like there's no tomorrow. We have begun to be sung to with a wide variety of songs; "The ABC song", "Row Row Row Your Boat", "The Barney Song", "Twinkle Twinkle Little Star", "Itsy Bitsy Little Spider" and "Baby Bumblebee." Hearing that little voice say, "I lubble too, Mommy," melts my heart to no end.


It took her forever to calm down and start to enjoy sitting and watching TV/Movies but now her favorites are "Finding Nemo", any "Barney" show and any "Dora" show.


Being so observant, you're never really sure what she's thinking and/or really looking at but you know, by looking at her and in her eyes, that she's affectionate, loving, peaceful and strong. She's our big girl, who since 3 months old, has consistently been in the 97th percentile for height and weight. She was a great eater for the first year and has now changed her mind and is very picky like her sister. Milk (both regular and almond and chocolate milk) are her favorite PAST TIME. She will drink milk products like they are going out of style. We love our BABY/TODDLER so much it hurts sometimes. Watching our "last" baby grow up is bittersweet. But all in all, we are wonderfully blessed with Madison joining our family.

We cannot wait to see what's in store for your Baby Girl. We love you! Happy Second Birthday, "Mad Dog", "Madi", "M", "Madison" and "Lady".

Love you!!!

Mommy, Daddy, Cait, Joy and your Angel Baby in Heaven

TEN years later...We will NEVER forget...

I wanted to post this earlier today, but the day got away from me. My busy day did NOT keep me from remembering where I was that day, what happened that day, the shock and horror of that day, the heartache I felt for those lost and their families and the damage that the three deliberate, hateful, monsterous attacks affected our nation.

Although none of my family, friends or colleagues were directly affected by the attacks, my heart literally aches DAILY for those who were. The senseless attacks do not make sense and I guess the only way we will find out why they happened, will be a glorious day when we are all (re-)united with those lost.

September 11, 2001 was the beginning of the end of an "innocent" world for me. I never would have thought our country would be attacked. Now I know that this world is cruel and we all need to be ready. Ready for Christ to come back. Ready to go to be with our loved ones who went before us. Ready to give our lives - every peice of our lives - to the Lord. We need to believe that He is here for us, each step of the way. In good times, bad times, uncertain times, happy times and joyful times. I thank the Lord each day for giving me time to live a bit and create a family. I couldn't ask for much more. I love you all and hope that you'll be ready, when it's time.

For the past several years I've re-posted the below video I made on the 7th anniversary of 9/11.

In loving memory of all the precious lives lost on September 11, 2001.

Make a video - it's fun, easy and free!
www.onetruemedia.com

*Please pause the music at the bottom of the blog before viewing the video*