2008 to 2009...with hope

I just wanted to wish everyone a safe New Year's Eve. As this year comes to a close, my head and heart are swimming with different thoughts and emotions.

On one hand, I am scared to leave 2008 behind because I don't want to leave my tiny angel baby behind. I know I will never forget what footprints Noah left on my heart, our family, and this world, but I worry that others will forget. He has changed me - us. I don't want this time in our lives (albeit, the most painful year) to be forgotten...

On the other hand, I am excited to see what 2009 has in store for our family. We want another baby so much - not only for ourselves, but for Caitlin. She asks for a baby (sister) at least every other day and we so much want that for her. Even if this is not in His plan, we will trust God to show us what is.

I pray, for each of you, that you and your families will be blessed beyond measure in 2009. That the pains we all have experienced in the past and in 2008, will not be forgotten but will make us all cherish each other and be thankful that much more for what we are given in the year(s) to come.

Love,
Amanda

P.S. I promise to put Christmas pics up soon :)

Monday Prayer Requests (Dec. 29, 2008)

I hope ya'll had a great Christmas!

Today is the day that I'm updating the prayer request/praise list.

I hope you all will join me in remembering and praying for the following:

*Please keep Stellan and the entire MckFamily in your prayers. They had to rush Stellan to the ER while out of town for Christmas due to his cold and breathing problems. Praise the Lord that the cardiologists have ruled out any heart problems! Stellan is now at the Children's Hospital back at home and is in the ICU. He has stopped breathing 3 times today. Per MckMama's TWITTER updates, he is not doing well. His test for RSV was positive. He is going to be sedated and put on the ventilator shortly. Please pray for this sweet baby!

*I found out the following prayer request through my friend, Rachel's blog: Please pray for Brad to be healed. In 2007 Brad was diagnosed with a rare form of bone cancer called chondrosarcoma. Yesterday, Brad's family had to call hospice - he has taken a turn for the worse. Brad is married to Jenny and has 2 small children.

*Please pray for the continued healing of Baby Kayleigh. Her jg-tube procedure was cancelled for today. She needs your prayers desperately.

*Please pray for Chad and Nicole. Their baby Dylan James was born and then went to heaven yesterday, December 28. He had Trisomy 18.

*Please pray for our friend's parents who live in Washington State. They both lost their jobs and are now snowed in without power.

*Please keep Maria in your prayers - her first OB appointment with this baby is on Tuesday, December 30th. She is 6 weeks pregnant.

*Keep Jennifer and her husband in your prayers - their first IUI in November was not successful.

*Please pray for my friend. She is pregnant but wants to wait to announce it until she has her first ultrasound in a few weeks. Pray for this baby and his or her mommy and daddy. They have lost babies before.

*Please pray for my friend. Her ex-husband was laid off the day before Thanksgiving. They have two children to support. Please pray for her upcoming doctor's appointment scheduled for January 5th to discuss the results of her biopsy.

*Please pray for some of our friends. They are having a difficult time financially right now.

*Please pray for David, the nephew of a couple in Rich and Hilary's adult bible study class. He just returned from Iraq because of a ruptured colon. He has been through multiple surgeries and lung failure among other things.

*Pray for my friend Debbi as she has CF, her husband started a new job recently (that he keeps threatening to quit) and her meds are so expensive that she is unable to take them everyday (although she really needs to take them everyday). Please pray that she will be comforted and her depression will lessen and please pray that her husband would persevere even if the job is not something he likes to do (so that he can support his family). Pray that Debbi would not get sick with a cold after spending Christmas with her mother who was sick.

*Please pray for Debbi's sister's friend's family. Julie Hadley died on December 23rd. She was only 48 years old.

*Please keep my coworker, Daniel, in your prayers. He had emergency surgery a few weeks ago to have his appendix removed. Last week the results of the tests they did on the appendix showed that he may have colon cancer. Daniel is in his early forties. Please pray that further tests show no spreading and that they caught it in the early stages.

*Please keep Cate's family in your prayers. Her Uncle Thom died on December 18th of a stroke. He is survived by his wife and two young children.

*Please keep Jen's grandpa in your prayers. He was hospitalized a few weeks ago and they found a spot on his lungs. Please pray that the spot is nothing serious. He will have further tests.

*Please keep Baby Ava in your prayers.

*Please keep Chase in your prayers. He is 3 1/2 and had his second ear tube surgery on November 26. Also, Chase cut his hand last week and has a staph infection. He is being treated but please pray that he will have no lasting effects of this infection. Please also pray for Chase's mom, Kahla. She is getting ready to have IVF #5 in January.

*Please pray for Chelle. She is having a very difficult time after the loss of her tiny angel baby on November 19th.

*Please pray for my friend, Cate. She lost her tiny angel baby on September 25, 2008. Please pray for her heart. It is broken in two right now and she is struggling to keep the faith. Please cover her in prayer.

*I found out about the following prayer request through my friend, Jocelyn's blog: Please pray for Melissa to be healed. She has been told that her lymphoma did not respond to chemo. Melissa is 31 years old, is married to Doug and has 3 children: Caleb (5 years) Lauren (3 years), and Audrey (1 year).

*Please pray for Angie's family. See here a recent post about some major prayer requests in her family at this time.

*Please pray for Dustin and Trish. Max went to Heaven on December 5th.

*Please pray for Ben and Heather. Please pray for Heather's healing and God's comfort right now. Heather has just been told that she is infertile.

*Please pray for Destiny and her husband. Their most recent IVF was not successful.

*Please pray for Stephanie. She's 25 weeks pregnant with Ava Page, but her sciatica is really causing great pain.

*Please see this blog that posts prayer requests and praises for children who are sick.

*Please pray for Ashly and her husband. They lost their baby Brooks at 39 weeks on September 17, 2008.

*I found out about the following two prayer requests through my friend, Debbi's blog: 1) Please pray for Anthony. He is living with CF. He was med-flighted to Texas (from FL) on December 2nd due the severity of his pneumonia. He had a double lung transplant in July 2008. 2) Please pray for Alan and his family. Alan was injured in July 2008 and is now paralyzed from the chest down with limited mobility of his arms. He is on a ventilator for breathing. Alan is married to his wife Jennifer and they have two children Skylar, 3 and Brandon, 2.

*Please pray for the family of Caitlin's friend, Ethan (who we came to know through Big Mamma and family). Ethan was 4 years old when he was diagnosed with Hepatoblastoma, liver cancer. Ethan went to Heaven on Friday night (November 28th). Ethan has a younger brother and sister. You can view his CarePage here: http://www.carepages.com/carepages/WilliamEthanBrown. Ethan's memorial service was on Saturday, December 6th.

*Please pray for Caitlin's uncle Jared. He was able to come home on Christmas day (after a very long 56 plus hour trip due to the weather issues) but now he will have to go back to China on January 5th to finish the job.

*Please pray for Adrienne and her family. The birth mother of the baby girl that they were going to adopt has decided to parent her instead of proceeding with the adoption plan.

*Rich still needs our prayers as they will continue to monitor his condition every other day at the hospital and he will get daily blood thinner shots.

*Please remember Greg and Nicol. As the holidays near, it is more difficult without their baby Luke.

*We all need to pray for our children. Angie Smith has laid out a clear plan on her blog to do so. Check it out here.

*Please pray for Becca and her husband (who I learned about through Jody's blog). Their two children had been in their home for nearly a year and were placed back with their biological mother.

*Tricia, Nate and Gweneth have moved into their new home. Please keep them in your prayers. Please also remember that Tricia suffers from CF and has an infection in her chest.

*Pray for Stacy and Spencer as they continue to grieve the loss of their son Isaac.

*Please continue to pray for our nation, our new president-elect and our economy.

**Always remember those of us who have lost our babies. Some of my friends are having an especially hard time right now.

*Please pray for my friend as she continues an alcohol recovery program.

*Please pray for Fay and her family. They recently moved and now Fay's husband will be deployed soon.

*Please keep Jessica in your prayers as she is working with her sister in law, Meagan, to start up a non-profit organization called "Treyson's Purpose." This organization is being formed in memory of Treyson, Jessica's son who went to heaven on June 8, 2008. This organization is being formed to provide support, resources, and alternatives to pregnant women that are considering having an abortion.

*Please keep my friend in your prayers. She and her husband are trying to reconcile their marriage.

*Please remember Jen as she continues to grieve the loss of her husband and her baby.

*Please keep Caitlin's Grammy in your prayers. Due to the real estate market issues, she is having trouble selling homes. Please pray that she would close on a home very soon.

*Please remember April Marie, a friend of mine from CafeMom. She gave birth to a baby girl, Ashlynn Elizabeth at 23 weeks 3 days on November 12, 2008. She weighed 1 pound 5 ounces. Ashlynn is currently in the NICU and is doing great. After the birth, April Marie's infection was so bad that they ended up doing an emergency surgery and had to take her uterus. She was told by the doctors that it is a miracle she survived. She and her husband believe that God gave her another chance at life so she can be here for her daughter. You can view her Caring Bridge page here: www.caringbridge.org/visit/ashlynnelizabeth.

*Please pray for my friend, Melanie. Please pray that the Lord will open a door for a new job.

*Please pray for Baby David. His family has moved near the hospital that can help him. Please let Nikki know if you know any charities in the Kansas City area that may be able to help them out during this difficult time. Also, please pray for Nikki and Chris as they have had to allow their daughter Nadine to travel alone during Christmas to visit her biological mother - due to a court order. Pray for Nadine's prompt and safe return.

**If I've forgotten anyone, please know that God has not forgotten you. May you feel the loving, protecting and healing arms of the Lord wrapping around you each day.

Praise Him!

*Wade, Kahla's cousin-in-law, is cancer free!

*Maria is pregnant! She got a BFP on her 26th birthday (on December 18th).

*Sara is 9 1/2 weeks pregnant!

*Lauren is 22 weeks pregnant with Evan James!

*Melanie has really been feeling the joy and peace that only the Lord can give for the first time since losing her tiny angel baby Nehemiah in March.

*Tricia appears to be cancer free!!

*Rich is at home with his family!

*Stephanie is 25 weeks pregnant with Ava Page!

*Rhonda is 27 weeks pregnant with her baby girl!

Thank you.

Love,
Amanda

Please pray for Stellan

Baby Stellan is in the ER due to breathing problems.
Please remember him and the entire MckFamily tonight.

Thanks and love,
Amanda

Picture Tag

Thank you everyone for your sweet comments, thoughts and prayers. I'm doing a little better today but still kind of feeling out of it.

Thought I would do this thing that Lauren tagged me with in mid December (where did time go to??) to try to adjust my mood...

Since Lauren had such a great (borrowed) idea to not really tag anyone in particular, I'm just going to "steal" the same idea...if you want to play along and are reading this, go for it :)

Here's how it works:

1) Choose the 4th folder where you store your pictures on your computer

2) Select the 4th picture in the folder

3) Explain the picture

4) Tag 4 people to do the same

NO CHEATING! (cropping, editing, etc!)

Here's my picture!














This is Cait and her Uncle Mike at the Merle Haggard concert we attended on June 30, 2007. I have no idea why she was covering his mouth up, but it sure is a cute picture of the two of them!

So, if you decide to play along, please leave me a comment with a link to your picture tag post :)

Love,
Amanda

9 months

I just realized yesterday that today would be 9 months since Noah went to Heaven. Back on February 15, 2008, when I found out I was pregnant with Noah, I assumed he would be here with us on Christmas to celebrate. I was obviously wrong and not having him with us yesterday was hard on my heart. I also realized that I would still be on maternity leave if he had been born on October 24th. Oh how I long to sit at home on the couch with a baby in my arms again.

I wish things were different but I have to have hope that this next year will bring us great Joy.

I hope you all had a wonderful Christmas.

Much love and peace to you.
Amanda

Merry Christmas!

I just wanted to wish you all a very Merry Christmas from my family to yours.


























































Love,
Amanda

Jesus is the reason for the season :)

The Letter "S"

I'm playing along with Melanie's letter meme. She assigned me the letter "S" and now I have to come up with 10 things I am thankful for that start with S. So here is a list of a few of the things that I am thankful for:









1. Soap - if you know me, I'm pretty much a germaphobe. When this letter was given to me, this was the first "S" thing that came to my mind...I love Bath and Body Works and their hand sanitizers!












2. Sister - I have the sweetest sister in the world. Her name is Anya and she is 15 years younger than me and lives far far away from me, but I think of her often and love her. This picture was taken in 2005 when Cait was a baby. Yep, Anya is Caitlin's aunt ;)













3. Sushi - this is my favorite food of all time. It has been since I was 7 years old! We eat at our favorite sushi place (which also starts with S) almost every weekend.













4. Sleep - If I could sleep all day, I think I would. I love to sleep late. I have an awesome husband who lets me sleep late on the weekends. He and Cait usually watch cartoons until I wake up. Since I usually go to bed around midnight on weekdays and wake up at 4:40 each morning, sleeping on the weekends is exactly what I like to do. I have always loved this pic I took of Cait back in Sept. 2004. She used to sleep in her bouncy chair on the floor near the dishwasher while it was running...too cute!










5. Socks - I love socks. Even though I live in Texas and it's hot pretty much all the time, you can usually find me wearing socks and tennis shoes. Sometimes I wear flip flops but I'm usually cold, so I bundle up :) A few weeks ago, Cait and Chris found me these very comfy socks at (uh oh, there it is again) Bath and Body Works...













6. Stars - I wish on them. They have to be magical - God made them.
Lord, please send us a sweet sibling for Caitlin Love.










7. Sing - I love to sing - praise songs are my favorite but Country is up there.














8. Spring - it is my favorite season. Not too hot and not too cold. Just right for me :)











9. Significant Others (sorry, words for family that starts with S :)) - I am so thankful for my Chris, Caitlin, Noah Joel, Joy Dog and Cat. They are my family and I love them.








10. Smile - I should do this more often, but it's been hard these past 273 days since losing Noah Joel. But, I love to smile and love even more to see my Caitlin's smile. This pic was taken in January 2006 the first time she ate a gummy bear!














Merry Christmas Eve to all of you.
Love,
Amanda

Husband Tag - CHRIS

Teresa tagged me with this husband tag!

Tag, you're it:
Melanie, Michelle, Jen and Maria.

This is my handsome husband...















5 Things Chris Loves:

1. Caitlin
2. Me
3. Joy (the dog)
4. His Harley
5. Hunting and Guns


5 Things on Chris' "To Do" List:

1. watch TV
2. play video games on his computer
3. delete messages from his Blackberry to free up space
4. buy more guns
5. buy more ammo


5 Foods Chris Enjoys:

1. Steak
2. Sushi
3. BBQ
4. Mexican food
5. pecan pie from Goode Co. BBQ


5 Things You May Not Know About Chris:

1. He is 42 years old (he doesn't look it, does he?!)
2. He went to military school
3. He's an IT guy but is not nerdy
4. He was born in NY but came to TX when he was 3 months old
5. He loves cats


5 Quirky Things About Chris :

1. He can tell you what bird is flying overhead no matter how fast you are driving or it is flying. He knows his birds! He's a great hunter!
2. He will take one sock off and leave the other one on when we're at home. I constantly find one sock sitting by itself on the floor EVERY night when I pickup the house before bed.
3. He likes most Classical music but also can jam to the best of the rockers. His faves are Led and Yes.
4. He watches cartoons as much as Caitlin does. He loves Adult Swim on Cartoon Network.
5. He loves to shop!

I love you, Chris!!

Missy's Graduation

We attended Missy's college graduation on Sunday (December 21st). We are so proud of you, Missy!

Here are some pics from the grad and her party afterward:














































































































































































Thank you, Missy, for taking pics of us in front of your tree. I love those of Caitlin and me :)

Love,
Amanda

2008 Christmas Party at Big Mamma's Church

Big Mamma, Mr. Manuel and Missy invited us to their church Christmas party last Friday, December 19th. There was plenty of yummy food and then Santa arrived! Caitlin has always been so scared of Santa. We've never even gotten a picture of her with Santa because of this fear. This year Missy and I convinced her by promising that if she went up and saw him, he'd give her a gift right after. We waited and we waited and we waited in line to see him and she finally got to the front of the line. She was so scared but she wanted to tell him about her wish to have An Easy Bake Oven. It was so cute. I got to use Missy's very nice Canon Rebel camera and got a few shots of Old Saint Nick and My Caitlin:





















































Here are some pics from the evening:


























































































































































































































































Please pray for Big Mamma. As she was helping to clean up after the party (and we were still in line for Santa), she tripped and fell onto a metal chair rack. She bruised and banged her legs and chin up pretty bad. She's recovering at home.

Merry Christmas!

Caitlin's School Christmas Party 2008

On December 18th, we attended Caitlin's first school Christmas party. It was extra exciting for us because Caitlin volunteered to be the "hostess" of the party. She and I practiced for about a week on what she was supposed to say (Her teacher Ms. Ginger told me what she thought she should say). Basically she was to greet everyone and tell everyone what the kids were going to do (sing many songs and read a book out loud). I will post a video montage of the greeting, songs and book reading below.

Here is what Caitlin practiced and memorized (thank the Lord she has my photographic memory!) - also she was able to use a "cheat sheet" that I made by reading the first letter of each sentence in order to jog her memory (if she needed it):

Hi, my name is Caitlin.
Welcome to our Christmas Party!
We’ve worked very hard on this. We are going to sing songs and Mommies and Daddies, usually you read to us at night – well today we are going to read to you!
Thank you, Mommies and Daddies for loving us and supporting us.
Thank you, Teachers for teaching us.
The first song we are going to sing is, “Up on the Housetop!”
Merry Christmas!

She did an awesome job! She was the STAR of the show and we love her so much!!

Everyone who saw us that afternoon at school and the next morning told her what a great job she did. I know this really boosted her self-esteem. It is wonderful getting to see our baby grow up!

Also, Caitlin was one of the 11 (out of 30) primary students to stand and read the book, "Is that You Santa." They all did great but they did not read with as much enthusiasm as they usually do in class (per the teacher). They pretty much read it in monotone which was hilarious and cute!

Caitlin had the most supporters that day. There were 6 of us. There was Big Mamma, Missy, Grandpa, MeMe, Daddy and Mommy.

After the show, we all went into another room and each child got to decorate a gingerbread house with their family.

Here are the pics and the videos:

Make an on-line slide show at www.OneTrueMedia.com

Love,
The Proud Mommy