The years seem to fly by.
Yet they crawl. The dates seem to
get easier. But yet they get harder at
the same time. Yes, very oxymoronic, but
for a loss mom, this makes sense.
Today, October 24th, four years ago, Noah Joel could have possibly made
his appearance into this world.
It was his “estimated due date” or EDD. I counted on this
date. Just as I had with Caitlin’s
pregnancy. When you see those two pink
lines on that pregnancy test, you automatically run to your calendar to check
when you’ll have the baby. Well, my
second pregnancy was no different. I did
it, saw it would be October 24th, went to the doctor, got it
confirmed twice and counted on that.
It’s a given, right?
I wish.
As the years go by – I’ve had another child, the children are
growing up too fast, work gets more hectic and demanding, traffic gets worse,
more school activities, later nights, less sleep, more eating out, more
pictures to be taken, more holidays to tend to, more laundry to do, more dishes
to clean…but yet there is still something missing. I remember the date. I remember the feelings. I remember the other dates that are passing
by without another child running around with us.
I remember.
“It gets easier,” we say to moms fresh after loss. I can’t deny that one half of me feels this
way. It does get easier. BUT the other part of me will never forget and there
will continue to be a hole. Every year,
every significant date, every holiday...
But I survive; and so do all loss moms.
No one can count us out.
We are not lost. We have been
found. We are hopeful. We know our babies wait for us in Heaven. We know that through our losses we have
gained. Whether it be a Rainbow Baby, support
from friends & family, new friends, knowledge on loss that we can share,
talents we didn’t know we had, support we can give to other women facing
loss…the list goes on…
We remember.
Thank you for remembering Noah Joel Hoyt with me today. Xoxo
October 24th’s of the past:
