seven.years.

I can hardly wrap my head around this one. 

Seven years have passed since my tiny second abundantly loved child lived and died inside my womb. 

I remember the day so clearly - it's like it was yesterday. Hearing the words "there's no heartbeat" was like knives to my heart and soul. Shattered doesn't begin to describe it. World changing. Life altering. In so many ways. 

Seven years. I've been feeling lately -- seven years feels so final. I know it's our culture to think of seven years as a final step. We have the "seven year itch." We have "seven years of bad luck." We have the "seven year IRS statute." We even have the biblical "cancel your debts after seven years." 

Today, all know & feel & wonder is this: 

Will my baby boy be forgotten after this year? Does my baby boy remember me? Will my ministries, done in his name, survive another seven years? Will my heart still feel this broken in another seven years? 

I don't know the answers to those hard questions, but I do know that I may have never "met" my son, but he's got my heart. I do know that I may have never gotten to hold my son, but I'll never forget that his body was whole & he did live for nine weeks and four days. I do know that even on days when I feel like giving up, I have friends who remind me that they'll never forget my second child. That he's still made an impact on their lives. That he will always be remembered. I do know that my child is safe in the arms of Jesus. These thoughts will fill my heart and mind today. 

Noah Joel Hoyt: my precious boy. Always my tiny angel baby. Mommy will never stop loving you. Your existence & impact on my life and on others' will not be ignored. Forever love.

photo taken by my husband in Galveston, TX, 2012

Noah's One Year blog
Noah's Two Years blog
Noah's Three Years blog
Noah's Four Years blog
Noah's Five Years blog
Noah's Six Years blog