Happy Birthday to My Sweet Love!

Chris,

I want to wish you a very happy birthday. I know you hate to celebrate these days but we love you and want you to know that you are loved.

Love,
Amanda, Caitlin & Madison

It is our TENTH anniversary today!!

Chris,

Where do I begin? How do I accurately portray my thankfulness and gratitude to you for the past ten years of our marriage?

First things first: Happy TEN years!!

Secondly, you have loved me thru thick and thin. I honestly believe what you said ten years ago as we said our vows – you will love me no matter what - in sickness and in health, in rich times and in poor. You are as I said in my post 2 years ago the most patient man in the world! I know from the bottom of my heart that you love me and want to spend the rest of your life with me and our children.

Sometimes we may not agree, but in the end, we never go to bed angry.

Watching you with Madison & Caitlin warms my heart everyday. My heart swells with admiration and pride that you are my husband and that you love them so much. Not all fathers can speak to that. As many of the gifts we’ve given you over the years for Father’s Day have said, “Anyone can be a father but it takes someone special to be a Daddy.”

To sum it up, I love you with everything in me. You are my life and I promise to love you for the rest of my days.

Happy anniversary to you, my one and only!

Love,
Me

Rewind...to September 18, 2010

On September 18, 2010 we celebrated Madison's FIRST birthday! To think that 1 year ago at 12:09 pm on September 18, 2009, we were welcoming one of our greatest miracles into the world was amazing! Who knew that Madison Grace could come into our lives at such a time when we were still wondering what happened to our second baby whom we lost to an early miscarriage . We finally had our 3rd miracle baby, whom was safe in our arms after 39 weeks of anxiety and trusting in our Lord to protect both of us and to allow us to parent one more baby.

We are so happy to see Miss Madison's precious and bright smile each and every day. She laughs and talks and makes the funniest faces in the world! Although she can be serious and observant, she does shows signs of loving life just as much (or more!) than Caitlin. She will be a strong willed child, but sweet none the less. She's soo mama's girl and I LOVE that! To have that strong bond with her is awesome and I'm so thankful! We love you, Madison Grace, and are so happy to have been given YOU as a gift!

Madison's FIRST picture (taken on Chris's blackberry) :)

One of our professional pics taken in July 2009. This is my favorite one with my girls. It's hard to see, but Madison and I are holding a cross that was given to me by my mom that says, "Believe in Miracles." I LOVE IT! I truly believe that our kids are miracles and were prayed for - for a very long time :)

This is one of the first pictures taken in the hospital on her BIRTHday of both proud Daddy and Big Sister :)

Thank you for sticking around to check-up on the Hoyt Family. We are so thankful for our friends and family who have supported us and loved us (even from afar) :)

Love,
Amanda

Rewind...to May 28, 2010

Hey Yall!

As I've mentioned soo many times before, I soo miss blogging and connecting with ya'll in blogger land! I have a few extra minutes today that I'm committed to blogging just for a few about how my girls are growing up way too fast!!

On May 28th our oldest miracle baby decided to turn SIX years old!! She's so grown up, smart, creative and beautiful! We are so proud of her and even though she bounces off the walls on many occasions (several times a day LOL) we love her! She's spunky and full of life for such a petite little girl :) We love you, Caitlin Love, and hope that you never quit having this love for life and for all things fun!!

Daddy with his special girl on Father's Day 2004 (SIX years ago)

Mommy with her special girl on Father's Day 2004 (SIX years ago)

We love our "baby doll" and "sweet pea"!!!
She's wearing the dress that Miss Tara & Mrs. Teresa gave her :) Miss Tara made that flower bow :)

Thanks to those of you who knew about Cait's birthday and sent us wishes that day! She had a wonderful day and we made sure she knew that she was soo special to us :)

Love,
Amanda

We will NEVER forget...

Our lives were all changed on Tuesday, September 11, 2001. We will never forget where we were that day when we found out the horror that was taking place on our soil. We will never forget the lives that were lost on that day. We will never forget the families who lost loved ones on that awful day.

...In loving memory of all that was lost 9 years ago today...

Make photo slide shows at www.OneTrueMedia.com

I made this slide show two years ago on the anniversary of September 11th.

Where we've been the past 8 months and how we got to where we are today

Dear Friends and Family (who are still reading this blog):

My blogging has unfortunately come last on my priority list these past MANY months and I feel so bad about that – not only to keep my bloggy friends updated on The Hoyt Family adventures, but also because I started this blog back when Caitlin was 1 year old as a way to keep an online journal for us to always remember how our family was growing and the milestones our child(ren) were accomplishing. So, when I don’t get to blog, I feel sort of guilty (but if you really know me, I guess you could say that I feel tremendous guilt about many things! LOL)

So, I wanted to try to start getting back into blogging as time permits since I have been under a lot of stress for many months (going back starting with my first trimester of pregnancy with Madison) to very recently. Now, I’m under the “normal” stress of life, but I feel “better” enough to journal again.

I am a big believer in prayer (as you know) and I know that I should ask for prayer for my own family, but sometimes you just trust in God to provide and don’t feel like you can ask others to pray. Anyway, I don’t really think that makes sense in my heart, but in my head, that’s the way I proceeded to believe during our struggles. I hope to update you in this post in order for you to know how much unsaid and unanswered prayers can affect someone. I know that many of you pray for others on a daily basis and I did feel covered in prayer as we went through the following health issues. No matter what, I know that I believe…

1) I’ve been having some health issues since I was about 12 weeks pregnant with Madison (see here my updates from May 2009 when I was hospitalized for some tests). And also wore multiple heart monitors to monitor my abnormal heartbeat and abnormal EKG while I was pregnant as well as 7 weeks after I had Madison (whoa was that a trip – having to breastfeed a newborn with a monitor around my neck and taped to my chest!!) The story could be really long, but the long and the short of it is that I keep getting tested for lots of stuff (from heart, to brain, to kidney) and from my repeat (like I went every week for 5 weeks!) blood work at cardio…My blood work came back ok on thyroid and electrolytes (had been out of whack 4 weeks before that) but potassium is still way too low (signs my kidneys aren’t working properly)…so we upped my dosage of potassium supplements even more and my cardiologist finally said that I have one of two genetic kidney disorders. At this point I was taking a diuretic that’s supposed to keep potassium in my system and not make my heart skip beats anymore (I was having heart palpitations due to my low potassium). Even when I was upping my potassium supplement intake, my potassium levels were decreasing (this was the sign my kidneys aren’t working properly). Most recently I noticed a difference in the amount of urine I was excreting. This should not decrease with a diuretic…so then the docs said I needed to limit my amount of sodium intake to 2300 mg per day only. Great, I thought, more stuff to remember! I went to visit my dad and step mom in DC who are doctors/researchers of genetic disorders. I asked them to test me while there so I could know exactly which disorder I have so that we can treat it properly. I was having to leave work early every week to get these blood/urine tests and it was getting aggravating and I’m sure annoying to my awesome boss (although he always told me not to worry about it). While in DC, I found out that without doing an almost impossible genetic test – they are only done in EUROPE right now for this specific gene - that due to my low potassium and heart palpitations (as symptoms) that I have Gitleman’s Syndrome. It is not as bad as we thought (my cardiologist thought I could have Barterr’s Syndrome) but talked it over with 3 different renal doctors (one pediatric and 2 adult) so that I wouldn’t have to go through the hassle of going to different doctors (I love this cardio!!!) and confirmed that I would not have made it to age 31 without being diagnosed at an early age with Barterr’s. Strangely enough, Gitleman’s is typically diagnosed in adulthood and with women, most get diagnosed during or post pregnancy! The other awesome thing about Gitleman’s is that it is a recessive gene – which means there’s probably no chance (if any) of my kids getting the syndrome. Barterr’s on the other hand, is a dominant gene – which means that the kids had more chance to get it…So, all in all, this is the best syndrome out of the two to have – and, both require the same treatment (spironolactone – a diuretic that holds on to vital minerals (specifically potassium) so that the “genetically messed up” kidneys don’t rid the body of them. Also, Gitleman’s is pretty asymptomatic (low potassium as well as other vital minerals and heart palpitations can be really the only symptoms and some don’t ever notice these…) so I shouldn’t have to worry about any other symptoms popping up (unlike Barterr’s). After taking the diuretic for one week, I had my blood tested yet again and my potassium levels dropped again! BUT the doctor said that I just need to up the dosage and retest in a few weeks to make sure the med was working. At the next visit I had taken the spironolactone for 4 weeks. They tested me and my levels increased dramatically. After six more weeks of taking the diuretic at the new dosage my potassium levels went up from 3.3 to 4 (this is great!) So I’m to continue with the meds and have a follow up in about 8 months unless I feel like I need to be seen before then. I’m really thanking the good Lord that He was able to show all the doctors involved what I actually had and what had been going on for months of pregnancy and beyond as well as over the years (I’ve felt the heart palpitations for about 2 years and always assumed it was emotionally related). Plus, not driving to the med center every week has really helped me dramatically.


2) After noticing a bruise that came from NOWHERE in April (it was on Madison’s forearm) I was on the lookout and racking my brain for anything and everything that she could have bumped it on. She was not mobile at this point so I was not sure how she could have bruised herself so badly (and it was black only after the first day)! At this point I was also prompted to remember and question why she had been stiffening her arms/leg/torso (whole body really) for about a month (pretty much anytime of day not just when fussy or excited) but mostly at night. She closed her eyes not just when she was tired or blinking for longer than a few seconds. When her body tensed up she usually cried out for a millisecond. These stiffenings appeared totally involuntary. My mind went immediately to seizures. I do have a seizure disorder and have always worried that I’d pass it onto my kids. I looked at her pupils for the first time a month before. I think I’ve been in denial and didn’t want to look. I studied Cait’s many years ago and found nothing. Madison’s right pupil IS bigger than left. This is the only physical confirmation (besides a full on seizure) one can do to see if someone has a seizure disorder. I was totally freaked and worried. So, I took Madison to the doctor on the following Thursday – the nurse on the phone when I made the appointment said my fears were founded due to my history with seizures. At the appointment, Madison's doctor didn't worry about the bruise but she did a CBC (blood panel) just to put my mind at ease. Praise the Lord, she does not have cancer or anemia. I am so blessed to know this! The doctor did want to hear about my seizure history after hearing about what I was worried about seeing in Madison. After hearing all that she asked a few "food related" questions and said, "I think she has Sandifer Syndrome." If you look this up it is uncanny really how similar the symptoms are to seizures (and the fact that the symptoms are considered “sudden onset” which is how her symptoms were – they came from out of the blue). Her doc prescribed Prevacid and Zantac and said to try that for 4-6 weeks and if it works then that was the problem the previous 8 months of her life (not colic like we thought!). Her pain had just risen so high from the acid increasing in her body that she had started tensing up so much that it was showing these "seizure like" signs...it also explained the crying and not sleeping. She hoped and thought that if the meds worked then we should see a new baby!! I was obviously hoping for Sandifer Syndrome but was sad that she had been in pain for 8 months and we thought it was colic!! I knew she was spitting up a lot but I guess I thought it was "normal baby" amounts (since Caitlin did not spit up that much)...anyway, her doctor still ordered an EEG just to rule out seizures (because of my history)...So, we had the EEG in mid May. Here’s the story on that: Madison was great, considering the circumstances. A non-sleep EEG was ordered which means she could not sleep at all after she woke up the day before until the test when they tell you to go to sleep. It was a normal night on the day before - she was up crying until 2am. She woke up the day of the EEG at 5:30 am and didn't truly fall asleep until she had to for the EEG until 3pm!!! There were times during that morning (around 9:30) that I thought I wasn't going to be able to keep her awake, but then my mom came over to help. That helped a lot. We got to Texas Children’s at 1:45 and by the time they'd put all the electrodes on her head it was 2:40! Then they did the strobe light tests (while she was awake) and good thing my mom was there cause I can't look at those things because of my seizure disorder. I went into the bathroom that they had in the same room for that part. Then at around 3pm I got to lay on the bed with Madison and nurse her to sleep. She fell asleep after about 5 minutes and we got to sleep for 20 minutes. I had to wake her up (nope she wasn't happy!) and the test continued for another 20 minutes. Then it took about 20 more minutes to take all of the electrodes off and clean her head off (paste and marker and tape). The nurses were great - so sweet and patient. We got the results about 2 weeks later (it was agony waiting)! I found out that Madison’s EEG came back normal (Praise The Lord!!!) So we are not thinking seizures now, but are thinking Sandifer Syndrome. My only issue is that even though she’s taking Prevacid & Zantac she is still “stiffening up” and is still “spitting up” the same amount! At her 9 month check-up, my pediatrician and I discussed why she was still showing signs of the Sandifer if she was on the meds. I really hated seeing her stiffen and if her little body was still in pain from the acid - - that is too sad! So her pediatrician said that sometimes children with Sandifer take up to 15 months to recover!! Finally, in late June, Madison did not show anymore signs of the Sandifer (both in the stiffening and spitting up department). I was so relieved to not suspect pain in her little body and that we were hopefully on the mend in the sleep department! Going to work after only 1-3 hours is brutal! My body has (several times) shown signs of shutting down and some days I knew that I shouldn’t be driving, but I kept on keeping on. Whatever I needed to do or handle for my baby, I was and am determined to do. I have not seen an improvement on Madison’s sleep to this day. She now sleeps between 1 and 4 hours a night and usually only takes a few hours of naps at the babysitter’s. I’m not sure what keeps her up or what keeps her from needing sleep, but her pediatrician says that babies will know when they NEED to sleep and will catchup on those “days.” Not sure when Madison (or I) will “catchup” but it better come soon because going on 11 ½ months of not much sleep is wearing Mommy out!

Thank you for reading this VERY long update on our health. We have been through a lot to get to this point and again, we are praising God that he has healed us and has protected us from true pain and sickness like other families have endured and are still enduring.

I am praying for each of you, no matter if I know your struggles or not, that you would be protected and feel the love of our Heavenly Father on a daily basis.

Love,
Amanda

Sneak Peek at Our First Professional Photo Session - As a family of 4 :)

Ok ya'll, my friend and photographer, Dianna Montoya, is AWESOME and has posted her 9 faves from our photo session with her in July (on her blog). I LOVE them all :) If anyone needs pictures taken, contact Karelle Photography. I think she'll travel to you. Just ask!

Here is a sneak peak (I should get the CD back from her in a few weeks and will share all of our pics with you):











Hope you all are doing well!
Love,
Amanda

P.S. I really hope to post again soon (and more regularly), but for now, family is coming first :)

25 Things About Me

I was tagged by my friend Heather to answer a "note" on FaceBook today. I was supposed to type out 25 random things, facts, habits, or goals about myself...

I thought I'd share my answers on the blog too :)

If you read this post, maybe you'd like to do the same on your blog...Enjoy!

Love,
Amanda

1. When Chris and I talked about having kids, I said I wanted to have 3. I guess I got my wish :) I have 2 on earth and one in heaven.
2. I pray everyday when I wake up to be a better wife and a better mom than the day before.
3. I work with the Treasurer of my company. We are the only two in my group and he is the best boss ever! We deal with million dollar transactions, international business, the banking relationships, debt, investments and corporate insurance. (oh, and whatever else is thrown our way!) LOL
4. We own our home but would LOVE to move out of it! It’s just too small for our family of 4 humans, one cat and one dog.
5. My favorite food of all time is SUSHI!
6. I have been to Germany 4 times. On those trips, we visited and vacationed in Greece, Spain, Switzerland, France and The Netherlands.
7. My husband is 13 years older than me, but it is not an issue for me. I love him so much!!
8. I was an only child until I gained a step-brother when I was 8, a half brother when I was 13 and a half sister when I was 15!
9. I love to listen to Christian radio / worship songs.
10. We have been vacationing as a family in Galveston since Caitlin was 2 years old. We rent a beach house and have a fun week together as a family (which includes my mother in law and brother in law).
11. I am a very loyal person.
12. Whenever I can, I try to “Pay it Forward.” For example, I give all of our children’s clothes to friends who have children younger than ours. We were blessed by having the clothes in the first place and I want others to be blessed by a “free” wardrobe when kids’ clothes are expensive enough!
13. I have a maroon Toyota FJ Cruiser that I love. People always laugh at the 3 windshield wipers :) LOL
14. My husband and I used to have an Abyssinian cat. Maggie was a great cat and we miss her a lot. She passed away a few years after Chris and I were married. We would love to get another Abyssinian someday. They are cuddly and love kids!
15. I would watch a lot of TV if I had more free time.
16. After my miscarriage in 2008, I feel like the Lord called me to pray more. Now I pray more for others and try to spread the word that prayer works - and have been blessed in doing so.
17. When I was younger, I wanted to be an Interior Decorator.
18. I have a very nice camera (Canon Rebel), but just don’t have the time to pursue any more photography endeavors than taking pictures of my family. I would like to, in the future, learn how to use my camera to its fullest extent though.
19. If we win the lottery, I would love to own a ranch that has a log cabin and horses on it.
20. I have a Bachelor of Business Administration in Finance from the University of Houston (main campus).
21. It took me 5 ½ years to complete my degree because I changed majors changed majors twice and got married during college.
22. My parents divorced when I was 6.
23. My firstborn (Caitlin) did not like to cuddle as a baby. My baby (Madison) likes to cuddle A LOT!!!
24. I love to blog, but recently have just not had the time…I wonder why!??!? (see number 23). :) LOL
25. Both Caitlin and Madison are miracle babies. Caitlin was surrounded by an amniotic band during her time in my womb and we had to be monitored frequently by a perinatologist. Madison’s pregnancy was unstable and I had health conditions during pregnancy. We are so thankful that we were chosen to be our kids’ parents!

Abiding Hope Collages (July 19, 2010)

Franchesca is an amazing mom to an angel in Heaven from Texas. She has been changed since May 5, 2009 when her firstborn, Jenna Belle, entered her life. Franchesca and her husband were honored to be her earthly parents for 13 days. After losing Jenna Belle, Franchesca decided to give back in memory of her sweet daughter, to other families enduring loss - whether it be by miscarriage, stillbirth or infant death. She makes beautiful collages through her site Abiding Hope Collages.

When I came across her site and read her story, I was touched by her generosity through her grief. I decided to ask her to make a collage in memory of our tiny angel baby...Thank you, Franchesca. It is just beautiful.

http://www.hopecollage.org/2010/07/noah-joel.html

July 21, 2010 - It's been 9 years...

It’s been 9 years since our kids lost their grandpa. The one they never got to even meet.

Chris’s dad was diagnosed with lung cancer in June of 2000. By the grace of God he was able to participate (and was even Chris’s best man) in our wedding on October 7, 2000. By July of 2001, H.B. Hoyt did not look like the man we knew before. His body had been taken by cancer and we all would never be the same again. Watching H.B. battle his disease and then seeing him go through the end stages of life was one of the hardest things Chris and I have ever been through together. He loved his dad and wanted to continue his relationship with him - and to give him grandchildren.

Sometimes we talk about H.B. looking down on our family and loving us from afar. We know he would have been an awesome grandpa and so wish he could have held our babies in the flesh.

Caitlin knows who her Grandpa H.B. is and will let her sissy know as she gets older who he is also.

We will always remember you, H.B.

~In loving memory of Harold Boyd Hoyt~

January 9, 1939 to July 21, 2001

Still Life 365 (July 11, 2010)

I stumbled upon this website recently called http://stilllife365.blogspot.com/ and was facsinated and thankful for the site that editor Angie has put together for families who are grieving the loss of their babies (whether thru miscarriage, stillbirth, or infant death). It is a place where art can be posted (every day) as family members "explore their grief through creativity." As Angie says on the blog, "each piece is an expression of grief, survival, sadness, love and hope. still life 365 is intended to be a safe space for creative expression. still life 365 is open to anyone affected by pregnancy loss not simply parents."

The editor of still life 365, Angie, created the blog after her second daughter (Lucia Paz) was stillborn at 38 weeks on winter solstice 2008. Angie says, "still life 365 is a project conceived out of the sincere desire to create a safe creative space for grieving parents and family members to explore the different aspects of life after loss. my hope is to post a piece of art or writing every day this year. sharing my art and creations with other babylost mamas, and conversely seeing their art, helped to explore the different elements of my grief and journey."

Upon viewing the blog for the first time, my heart wandered, remembering Noah (as I do each and everyday)...and I immediately remembered the painting that Caitlin did for me on Noah's EDD (estimated due date) - October 24, 2008. I decided to send it to Angie and she posted it here on July 11, 2010.

I have a few other pieces that I might decide to have her post but for now, I am going each day to check on and visit other's pieces. Sometimes, if time, I click over to their blogs and see how they are doing...there are so many hurting out there...so many who have lost babies...

My heart aches for those who are in this club we were never initiated for and never wanted an invitation for. We arrived and are here to stay. I thank the good Lord for the hope He gives each one of us as each new day brings great things that only He can give.

Lamentations 3:22-24 (New International Version)

22 Because of the LORD's great love we are not consumed,
for his compassions never fail.

23 They are new every morning;
great is your faithfulness.

24 I say to myself, "The LORD is my portion;
therefore I will wait for him."

Love you all,
Amanda

Happy 4th!

I'm so proud to be an American! Are you? Happy Independence Day!



My heart hurts 4 those whose loved ones are off serving overseas. They are all sacrificing 4 our freedom. God bless all military families. I have two friends whose husbands were just sent overseas. Melanie & Janine, the lump in my throat comes often as I think of the times you will spend alone with your families during the next year without your husbands. May the Lord bless you and keep you during Ralph's & Mel's deployment.

Friends, if you haven't done so, take a moment today to thank the Lord for our freedom. As we know, it doesn't come free.

Hope you are all doing well.

Love,
Amanda & Family

Happy Father's Day (on the blog) to the best Daddy Ever!

Chris,

You have been a wonderful daddy since the minute I found out I was pregnant with Caitlin. Nothing has changed over the years as we added to our family. You are always protective and loving. Always positive and affectionate. No tear has gone unnoticed and no tiny little red bump unkissed. You are the best daddy our girls could ask for - I can only imagine your relationship with them in the future. Not only will they come to you for advice and to talk your ear off but will feel comfortable just resting in your arms after a bad day. They know they can talk to you and feel better but they also will know that silence speaks a thousand words. Your loving arms are sometimes all they will need.

For all you give to our girls - I love you!

Happy Father's Day (on the blog) to you, Chris!

Love,
Amanda

P.S. After the weekend we had (your wasp sting, our broken A/C, your millions of fire ant bites and our broken dryer), I wouldn't have wanted to spend it with anyone else! I love you forever and always :)

Some thoughts on Infertility, Infant Loss, and a prayer and a song for the soul...

This morning as I was listening (over and over) to a new favorite song of mine, I was led to share this with you.

Although we’ve never been diagnosed as “infertile,” if you look up the definition of it, we have experienced infertility. Infertility is defined as the inability to conceive or carry a pregnancy to term after 12 months of trying to conceive. As I’ve stated before here, it took us 18 months to conceive Caitlin who was born in 2004 and 13 months to conceive the baby we lost to miscarriage in 2008 (named Noah). I feel blessed to have only have taken 6 months after losing Noah to conceive Madison. Although we never had to use fertility drugs or treatments, going through the discouraging waiting month after month and then the loss of a child and all the heartbreaking emotions that come from that experience, I know that we have been touched by this disease. Many of my friends are infertile and/or have experienced infertility. I have watched many go through the same hardships we have and most have come out with a baby to love here on earth, but there are some who are still waiting for their day to become mommies.

Recently, I was reintroduced to a band that long ago was a favorite to me and many others. Although some stopped listening to them due to political reasons, I stopped because I was becoming a new mom and just didn’t have time to devote to “me stuff” anymore.

The song “So Hard” by the Dixie Chicks explains perfectly what we as women go through when we experience infertility. I wonder if RESOLVE: The National Infertility Association has a “theme song” because these lyrics fit perfectly with what we all feel as we wait and hope that we can someday or again (after a loss or a long period of trying) become moms…

"So Hard"

Back when we started
We didn't know how hard it was
Living on nothing
But what the wind would bring to us
Now we've got something
I can imagine fighting for
So why is fighting all that we're good at anymore

And sometimes I don't have the energy
To prove everybody wrong
And I try my best to be strong
But you know it's so hard
It's so hard

It's so hard when it doesn't come easy
It's so hard when it doesn't come fast
It's so hard when it doesn't come easy
It's so hard

It felt like a given
Something a woman's born to do
A natural ambition
To see a reflection of me and you

And I'd feel so guilty
If that was a gift I couldn't give
And could you be happy
If life wasn't how we pictured it

And sometimes I just want to wait it out
To prove everybody wrong
And I need your help to move on
Cause you know it's so hard
It's so hard

It's so hard when it doesn't come easy
It's so hard when it doesn't come fast
It's so hard when it doesn't come easy
So hard

I can live for the moment
When all these clouds open up for me to see
And show me a vision
Of you and me swimming peacefully

Last night you told me
That you can't remember
How to feel free

It's so hard when it doesn't come easy
It's so hard when it doesn't come fast
It's so hard when it doesn't come easy, easy



In closing, I just want to offer up a prayer to the Lord for those still experiencing heartbreak due to a loss or hardship due to infertility.

Dear Lord, please be near to the broken hearted. Please comfort those who feel alone, guilty, lost, fearful, and hurt. Give peace and understanding to us, Lord, when all we can think of is why or when or how. Please love us, Lord, and touch our lives in a way that we feel your love each and everyday because we know that you are our Father and will protect us and love us all the days of our lives. Amen



Helpful Links:

The National Infertility Association: http://resolve.org/

Mommies Enduring Neonatal Death: http://home.mend.org/

Lost & Found and Connections Abound: http://lostandfoundandconnectionsabound.blogspot.com/

WebMD: Infertility & Reproduction Health Center: http://www.webmd.com/infertility-and-reproduction/default.htm

Miscarriage, Stillbirth, and Infant Loss Directory: http://babylossdirectory.blogspot.com/

Shared Journey: Your Path to Fertility: http://www.sharedjourney.com/index.html

Story from ABC News where the Dixie Chicks discuss Motherhood (May 24, 2006): http://abcnews.go.com/GMA/SummerConcert/story?id=1998321&page=1

Please be careful...

A while back I posted about a fundraiser for Lauren & Lillian from a company called L.R. Beary Fundraising. Well, come to find out, that was a scam. So far, by the grace of God, WE have not been scammed, but Shanna Marsh (via The Layla Grace Children's Cancer Research Foundation), mommy to Layla Grace who passed away from Neuroblastoma on March 9, 2010, is currently being scammed by the woman who is portraying herself as the owner of the bears AND the VP of The Layla Grace Foundation while she actually is not. If you are on FaceBook and are not currently a "fan" of The Layla Grace Children's Cancer Research Foundation, you can be and can keep up with the news and events (not only surrounding this mess) but how you can help the Foundation now or in the future.

I wanted you to know that not only am I very sorry that I promoted this fundraiser, but I hope that no one bought any bears. Lauren never received any funds from this fundraiser so we are not sure if that is because no one bought bears or because of the scam. Also, I wanted you to pray for The Marsh Family as they still grieve their young daughter's death and have to deal with this scam artist.

Neuroblastoma is one of the few cancer types known to secrete hormones. It occurs most often in children, and it is the third most common cancer that occurs in children. Approximately 7.5% of the childhood cancers diagnosed in 2001 were neuroblastomas, affecting one in 80,000 to 100,000 children in the United States. Close to 50% of cases of neuroblastoma occur in children younger than two years old. The disease is sometimes present at birth, but is usually not noticed until later. By the time the disease is diagnosed, it has often spread to the lymph nodes, liver, lungs, bones, or bone marrow. Approximately one-third of neuroblastomas start in the adrenal glands.

If you are in the Cy-Fair area near Houston, TX this Sunday, The Layla Grace Children's Cancer Research Foundation is having its first big fundraising event. Help make a difference in a child's life.

Thank you!

Happy Mother's Day!

Happy Mother's Day to all of you enjoying your kiddoes today!

To all the Mommies who have lost children - my heart cries with you today. May you know that the little reminders you have today of your baby(ies) are them telling you they love you from Heaven.

To all those who are patiently waiting your turn to become a Mommy - my heart empathizes with you. I know the waiting can be agonizing, but the Lord has not forgotten your longing desire to hold your miracle baby.

Love you all.

Update on Lauren & Lillian Plus a FUNDRAISER for the Mom & Baby (at Missy Prissy's Boutique) Through the Month of May

In case you have not read recently on Lauren's blog, Baby Lillian has been doing very well! Despite the MANY odds stacked against this beautiful miracle child, she was going to go home to be with her momma in her own environment (as opposed to laying in a NICU bed for another however many weeks!) TOMORROW, Thursday, May 6, 2010 - Momma Lauren's 24th Birthday!! But, the crushing news is that after having home health care and other specialists bring machines and supplies to her parents' home this week, Lauren was told just this morning that Lillian's blood pressure is not stable enough and the wrong machine was delivered to the house - so Lillian is NOT going home tomorrow after all.

Lauren is sad. Very sad. She wanted her little nugget to be at home with her - finally - after all they've been through these past 6 weeks, she wanted to take her precious newborn baby home with her. Can I please ask you to pray for my new friend? I know her heart is broken and mine cries out for her. The pain she must be feeling knowing that she was SOOO close to having her baby at home with her. The drive to and from the hospital is an hour (or more with traffic - one way) and she thought that IT would happen ON her birthday. She got her hopes up and now it's NOT happening. I know she wants what's medically best for Lillian, but she also wants to bond with her baby. I don't think I could deal with it - so many other stressors are going on also - child support issues, school issues, her own economic and academic futures are up in the air and she doesn't know why her baby's blood pressure can't stabilize itself (on or off meds). It's just alot to handle for anyone much less a 24 year old! Anyway, I think I'm rambling, but my heartstrings are being pulled for Lauren & Lillian. Please pray.

If you find it in your heart to do more than pray, please make your way over to Missy Prissy's Boutique.

Lauren's good friend Tara Dornak Gates (known as Aunt Tara to Baby Lillian!) and owner of Missy Prissy's Boutique has announced the start of a fundraiser over at Missy Prissy Boutique that will go on through the month of May! 50% of all profits made will be donated to Lauren & Lillian. Please stop by and take a look at all the gorgeous things talented Tara can make for your children (Hair Bows, Headbands, Tutus/Pettiskirts, Custom Clothing, Car Seat Canopy Covers, Pacifier Holders, Rhinestone Avent Pacifiers, Burp Cloths, Custom Embroidery, AND MUCH MORE!!!!!!)

Thank you for your love and support of LouLou and Lilli Bug!!

P.S. If you're reading this and want to do something to cheer up Lauren TOMORROW (Thursday, May 6th), please send her a quick email (or e-card) to laurenandlillian@gmail.com wishing her a happy 24th birthday! That would be so awesome if she received a bunch of cards and/or emails, wouldn't it??!! Thanks, Friends! Love ya!!

NEW FUNDRAISER for Lauren & Lillian at TAKE A BOW BOWTIQUE (Etsy Store)

There is another fundraiser going on right now (through Sunday) for my friends Lauren & Baby Lillian!

Please stop on over at Ambreen's Etsy Store Take A Bow Bowtique during the next 5 days (ends Sunday, April 25) and buy your daughters, granddaughters, sisters, friends, neighbors, cousins or 2nd cousin's some beautiful bows, headbands, hair clips, flip flops, beanies or dresses!!

Ambreen is not only very talented but she is so very giving! Just a few days ago she had a fundraiser for the Layla Grace Children's Cancer Research Foundation (www.laylagrace.org) and over the next few weeks (and for as long as the Lord prompts her to) she'll continue to have fundraisers like this.

Thank you for stopping by my blog today and thank you in advance for shopping at Take A Bow Bowtique this week so that Lauren & Lillian can feel your love through this fundraiser.

Love ya'll,
Amanda

FUNDRAISER for Lauren & Lillian (through L.R. Beary)

Please note that there is a fundraiser going on NOW at http://www.lrbearyfundraising.com/ for Lauren & Lillian. The sweet owner, Laura, let me know that for as long as we want the fundraiser to run, it will and for each order that is placed that mentions "Lauren & Lillian" at check-out, she will donate 50% of the profits to our sweeties LouLou & Lilli Bug!! http://www.lrbearyfundraising.com/LaurenLillian.html

Thank you to everyone who has begun to follow, has read Lauren & Lillian's blog, donated, prayed, sent her an email, posted a comment or even thought good thoughts for the ladies. You will never know how grateful they truly are!

Love,
Amanda
http://www.laurenandlillian.blogspot.com/

Please pray for my friend Lauren and her tiny baby Lillian

My sweet friend and coworker Teresa Dornak recently asked me to come with her to visit her daughter, Tara's friend Lauren who had just had a baby who was suffering in the Texas Children's NICU. She thought I might be able to comfort her in some way. I was so blessed by that comment and honored to go and tried to be of what comfort I could although I'm not sure I really was during that first visit to TCH. I brought Lauren a Bible and some songs to listen to that have helped me through some hard times before. I prayed with her and Teresa but all I really wanted her to know is that she is not alone - the Lord loves her and her baby and that people are praying for her. Lillian Rachelle was born on March 22, 2010 with several conditions. She's already had one surgery to correct her diaphragmatic hernia (on April 7, 2010) but will continue to struggle with Turner Syndrome and Agenesis of the Corpus Callosum. The birth and infection / hemorrhage of Lauren's C-Section almost killed Lauren. Both Lillian and Lauren were very sick at one time. Luckily mommy Lauren is healing and able to visit her baby everyday in the Level III NICU at TCH. Lauren is trying to be strong for her baby with the support of her family, friends and God. Lillian's father is not in her life. Lauren is a college student. She's such a sweet girl, from what I've learned about her and from being around her, and all I want is the best for her and her baby.

If you can, please visit her blog at: http://laurenandlillian.blogspot.com/ and follow Lauren's and Lillian's journey. It's going to be a fight. We don't know what's in store for this precious family of two, but I hope to continue to be able to get to know them both and help them in any way I can. Please cover them in prayer and encourage Lauren with comments. She says it gets very lonely up there in the NICU sometimes. If you have any fundraising ideas or donations you'd like to make or give to Lauren and Lillian, please let me know or contact Lauren at laurenandlillian@gmail.com.

Thank you for listening, reading, praying and supporting!
Love ya'll!
Amanda