Some thoughts on Infertility, Infant Loss, and a prayer and a song for the soul...

This morning as I was listening (over and over) to a new favorite song of mine, I was led to share this with you.

Although we’ve never been diagnosed as “infertile,” if you look up the definition of it, we have experienced infertility. Infertility is defined as the inability to conceive or carry a pregnancy to term after 12 months of trying to conceive. As I’ve stated before here, it took us 18 months to conceive Caitlin who was born in 2004 and 13 months to conceive the baby we lost to miscarriage in 2008 (named Noah). I feel blessed to have only have taken 6 months after losing Noah to conceive Madison. Although we never had to use fertility drugs or treatments, going through the discouraging waiting month after month and then the loss of a child and all the heartbreaking emotions that come from that experience, I know that we have been touched by this disease. Many of my friends are infertile and/or have experienced infertility. I have watched many go through the same hardships we have and most have come out with a baby to love here on earth, but there are some who are still waiting for their day to become mommies.

Recently, I was reintroduced to a band that long ago was a favorite to me and many others. Although some stopped listening to them due to political reasons, I stopped because I was becoming a new mom and just didn’t have time to devote to “me stuff” anymore.

The song “So Hard” by the Dixie Chicks explains perfectly what we as women go through when we experience infertility. I wonder if RESOLVE: The National Infertility Association has a “theme song” because these lyrics fit perfectly with what we all feel as we wait and hope that we can someday or again (after a loss or a long period of trying) become moms…

"So Hard"

Back when we started
We didn't know how hard it was
Living on nothing
But what the wind would bring to us
Now we've got something
I can imagine fighting for
So why is fighting all that we're good at anymore

And sometimes I don't have the energy
To prove everybody wrong
And I try my best to be strong
But you know it's so hard
It's so hard

It's so hard when it doesn't come easy
It's so hard when it doesn't come fast
It's so hard when it doesn't come easy
It's so hard

It felt like a given
Something a woman's born to do
A natural ambition
To see a reflection of me and you

And I'd feel so guilty
If that was a gift I couldn't give
And could you be happy
If life wasn't how we pictured it

And sometimes I just want to wait it out
To prove everybody wrong
And I need your help to move on
Cause you know it's so hard
It's so hard

It's so hard when it doesn't come easy
It's so hard when it doesn't come fast
It's so hard when it doesn't come easy
So hard

I can live for the moment
When all these clouds open up for me to see
And show me a vision
Of you and me swimming peacefully

Last night you told me
That you can't remember
How to feel free

It's so hard when it doesn't come easy
It's so hard when it doesn't come fast
It's so hard when it doesn't come easy, easy



In closing, I just want to offer up a prayer to the Lord for those still experiencing heartbreak due to a loss or hardship due to infertility.

Dear Lord, please be near to the broken hearted. Please comfort those who feel alone, guilty, lost, fearful, and hurt. Give peace and understanding to us, Lord, when all we can think of is why or when or how. Please love us, Lord, and touch our lives in a way that we feel your love each and everyday because we know that you are our Father and will protect us and love us all the days of our lives. Amen



Helpful Links:

The National Infertility Association: http://resolve.org/

Mommies Enduring Neonatal Death: http://home.mend.org/

Lost & Found and Connections Abound: http://lostandfoundandconnectionsabound.blogspot.com/

WebMD: Infertility & Reproduction Health Center: http://www.webmd.com/infertility-and-reproduction/default.htm

Miscarriage, Stillbirth, and Infant Loss Directory: http://babylossdirectory.blogspot.com/

Shared Journey: Your Path to Fertility: http://www.sharedjourney.com/index.html

Story from ABC News where the Dixie Chicks discuss Motherhood (May 24, 2006): http://abcnews.go.com/GMA/SummerConcert/story?id=1998321&page=1